***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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