I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
