it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
