just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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