Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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