Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
