Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
