I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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