just come out here and I will go home with you...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
