Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
