yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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