that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
