Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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