I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
