Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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