i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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