captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
