I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
