am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
