Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's blow job season.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
