If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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