Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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