I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
