Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
