The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize