aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
