We won't sleep together?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i've created a new STD.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
