sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
