are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
