just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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