wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
