You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
