Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
