u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
