He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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