you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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