I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
