my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
