Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
