with your own penis?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
