somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
