Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
