is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
my poor anus
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
