I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
