Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
