you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
