Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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