Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
