The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Two words: blizzard sex
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
