I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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