ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
