So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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